Being an effective parent is not easy. Parents often "fly by the seat of their pants," and they often repeat the same mistakes with their own children that their parents made with them.

 In fairness, it should be said that the tendency to blame parents for almost everything that goes wrong with their children is unfair and inaccurate.

All of us inherit certain tendencies over which our parents have no control (they may give as our genes, but they can’t change them. And the influence of peer groups can be more powerful than the benefits of even excellent parenting.

Nevertheless, good parents can make a difference by avoiding some of the main mistakes that uninformed parents tend to make. Less effective   parents, for example, make their children feel guilty if they misbehave.

In other families, a poor school report is made into a sin. A child who is made to feel morally wrong for some minor shortcoming may come to view herself as a bad person, and fail to develop an inner sense of self-acceptance.

Poor parenting would have a little boy who runs into the street being chastised and called a “bad boy!"

A wise parent would issue a firm warning about the dangers of running into the street without attacking the child.

It’s more effective and less potentially harmful to make a clear distinction between what a child does and what he or she is.

Don’t confuse inappropriate behavior with the basic identity of the child. Say for example, “ What you did was bad --– not, you are bad!”

There is a huge difference between calling a child stupid, selfish, or nasty, and telling him or her that a specific action was stupid, selfish, or nasty.

Finally consider this: If very minor infractions receive major penalties, What’s left for parents to do if something really serious occurs? Keep the punishment in line with the offense.

Think long-term. Will my action help my child to grow up and be able to make healthy, independent judgments in his or her life?

I’ll help you to learn the crucial skills of parenting that will enable you to be truly effective and increase the chances that your children will be able to navigate the labyrinth of life.

And, I will help you to give your children a working compass (skills and facts) that can help them to succeed in school and work as well as in play and fun.

Call (773) 614-3201 and confidentially let me know what your concerns are.

How to be an Effective Parent